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Jack Pipe

 

Dear Jack: This is a heads-up to the woman who wrote in about having to work next to a guy with a walloping case of B.O.  She said he apparently had picked up on her subtle hints (“Christ almighty! Is that you, or is there a sewage treatment plant on the other side of the hill?), but no matter how hard he washed, nothing seemed to work. Well, I just learned from my doctor that sweat can sometimes get trapped under folds of skin, creating a kind of miniature biosphere where yeast molds love to propagate.  Maybe that’s his problem.

 

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Strange, but true. Mold and fungus can set up house just about anywhere one piece of skin touches another, which is why as a high school track star I decided to adore Agnes Kravitz from afar. She put a mean shot, but damned if anybody could figure out what that stuff under her chin was.

 

Unfortunately for this guy with the yeast pockets, gravity is working against him. Those globoid folds are acting like organic shingles, hanging down and keeping the hot water and soap from getting to where it needs to be. All kinds of expensive remedies come to mind, but – disturbing imagery aside – probably the cheapest advice I can give him is to do a headstand in the shower.

 

Oh, man.  Now I’m gonna be up all night.

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